We Need More of This

March 22, 2026

Last night was special. I attended a Hawaiian-themed father/daughter dance and game night with… you guessed it, my daughter. It happened at a small community hub, a blessed space indeed. I love community centers because of their variety. They aren’t just for birthdays and large family gatherings. In that same space, I’ve participated in rollicking political debates, and attended an Orthodox baptism. The term “community” truly means a space for the diverse needs of the people who share property lines within a few surrounding miles.

What made this particular event so special was the heart behind it. Started by a wonderful family last year, they wanted to set aside an event for dads to honor and love their daughters alongside one another. Every relationship configuration inside a family unit is important, but there aren’t a lot of public functions for dads to dance with their daughters outside of their wedding.

I’ve never spent much time thinking about it, but how strange is that gap between dating as a young man and raising a daughter? Unless you had sisters, or a lot of female interaction in the break room, you might not have gotten a lot of space to know women before you start raising one. I actually consider it a huge blessing to have grown up with so many sisters and female bosses throughout the years. I wasn’t only excited to have a daughter, I didn’t feel totally helpless when the lady population in my house doubled.

That being said, I did have a funny realization when my daughter turned ten. We were riding home from dance practice, and as usual I was trying to fix anything not peachy in her life. I had my wordy dad advice churning at a high rate when it suddenly dawned on me - my daughter is a girl. That might seem crazy, but hear me out. The reason this loosened some wisdom stuck in the caveman part of my brain was that I hadn’t really thought of her like that.

From living with all the aforementioned sisters and wife, I had figured out the obvious secret that many women want to be listened to more than interrupted with constant advice. Now, I do have to make the important statement that I am not suggesting all men and women walk through life the exact same way. I don’t mean to put anyone in a box. I love and respect everyone, and know we are all individuals that can’t be defined along strict binary psychology. I’m just sharing an internal lightbulb moment based on observed generalities that helped me become a better dad.

You see, I spent a lot of time trying to fix all my daughter’s problems without creating space for her to share uninterrupted thoughts. If I don’t want her future husband to do that, I better model it correctly now. So I gave her a new platform, and told her that if she ever wanted to share and just have me listen, she could just say so. I wouldn’t halt the conversation with interjections of varying wisdom. I would just listen because I cared what was happening in her life. I wanted to hear her voice and understand how she saw the world. This approach had greatly enhanced my marriage many years ago, and it was now paying dividends as a dad.

That modeling good behavior thing is vital for dads. Although it sneaks up on you, one day you see your daughter, realize she is a young woman, then do a silent freakout worrying that you haven’t done everything possible to teach her how she needs to be respected and cared for correctly by the boys in her life. Especially the ones she goes to dances with.

So when we walked into the luau with other dads and their daughters, I felt overjoyed that someone had thought to create the space. We enjoyed snacks, played games, and danced the night away. And here’s the best part, we really got our groove on. I don’t know about you, but I feel slightly awkward at weddings and social events that involve dancing. I like to shimmy around as much as the next guy, but I am very aware of my lack of moves. Most of my time is spent trying not to look foolish.

A friend once told me that the people you really admire on the dance floor are the ones who don’t care. Dancing isn’t about perfect form, it’s about fun. Are you enjoying what you are doing? If the answer is yes, then the people around you usually respect it, and may even feel a little envious of your freedom.

Dancing with my daughter erased all that insecure nonsense in my head. I just looked at her, knowing she was happy I was beside her, and danced like no one was watching. She danced like everyone was watching. Ballet will give you that kind of confidence.

We need these kinds of spaces. Community events are essential. Fathers cherishing their daughters is imperative. I am so thankful for the people that put the evening together. Everything about it was just the kind of thing you hope for as a dad. At the end of the evening they asked for suggestions for next year’s theme. I threw out a cowboy hoedown, knowing how fun square dancing is. Next year can’t get here fast enough.