New Old Friends
New Old Friends
“How long have you known the bride and groom?” Whenever I hear this question, I feel like I have done a good job officiating. Usually the intonation of the questions bends toward a belief that I have known the couple for a long time. It is poignant when it comes from a family member, especially a grandparent.
The reason for the curiosity is the gentle sprinkling of personal stories and references to past events throughout the ceremony. I do this specifically to make weddings feel intimate - even those officiated for strangers. When the audience feels like there is a bond between the officiant and couple, they feel at ease throughout the service.
I discovered this simple trick after a few years of officiating. Every couple gets sample scripts attached to my introduction email. I stress that they don’t have to use my scripts. They should sample ideas online, write down what they like at other weddings, and keep an eye open for poems or sayings that strike a chord. Their wedding can be as unique or generic as they like. The whole purpose is to reflect them and their relationship.
For that reason I have quoted Star Wars, performed Celtic handfasting ceremonies, and stood in front of couples in full cosplay. Every one of those weddings was special, because it captured who the happy couple was.
For my part, the goal is to add a little salt to bring out the flavor of the people involved. This seasoning only requires a few minutes of interrogation ahead of the wedding. Based on what is already in the script, I ask leading questions. Are there encouragements to remain friends? Then I ask about their favorite shared memory. And with just a few prodding words, I come up with two to four personal stories that get interwoven into the script. The end result is a ceremony that feels tailored to their story. Nothing feels generic when you reference a favorite restaurant, wise words from a grandparent, or a story about the bride's lazy cat.
I remember when a grandmother approached me after a wedding to say how wonderful it was to have such an old friend officiate. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I had just met the couple twenty minutes earlier. I was just happy that the family experienced a personal and meaningful ceremony.
Over the years I have learned a lot of little tricks about how to make a wedding feel special. Much of it stems from a desire to make every experience meaningful. For any job that is repetitive, you have to remember that while this might be my fourth wedding in a month, this is the only one for this couple. They deserve the experience to be everything it can be.
