Framing Your Life
Most of the time, life is a series of seasons that blend into one another. Transitions are pretty fluid, and you can’t really define a specific time until you reflect on it years later. Sometimes though, you go through things so definitive that they become a chapter. The events of that time carry a different kind of weight. Having just closed the page on one such occasion, I want to share. The main reason is that so many have cared for my family that I want to say thank you, and let everyone know the great news that brought this to a close.
My wife has been going through another cancer treatment for the last two years. I say another, because she went through a similar fight ten years ago. Four of the ten years of my daughter's life have been immersed in this world. While she doesn’t remember the first round, the second will leave a lasting impression.
The good news is that we get to frame our life. Even difficult circumstances don’t have to carry negativity. It’s a choice which lens we view our world through. We choose gratitude. I don’t mean that every second is overflowing with this feeling, but we continually try to focus our minds on it. And let me tell you, this does work. I find it easiest to decide on a few visual cues, inside jokes, and important phrases that keep me focused.
My Daughter’s Art
A few years ago, our daughter started taping her art to the walls. My initial dad-brain thought the top priority should be to keep the home tidy. Luckily my better instincts kicked in, and I realized that the colors and pictures represented the purest form of life in our house. All her thoughts are expressed through her creations. When she hangs them on practically every wall, I am reminded that our home is exploding with love. It’s not a sad place, it’s a sanctuary. And just like the great walls of the Sistine Chapel, you cannot find many blank spaces.
The Cats Did It
The running inside joke in our family is that the cats are to blame for everything. I can’t find a sock - the cats must have taken it. Something went bad in the fridge - the cats removed the expiration date. We were late getting out the door - the cats were too cute. Any unpleasantries originate from the furry roommates, and all humans are innocent. There are so many times when blaming the cats for our own mishaps has cut the tension, relieved stress, or made us all laugh. Your family needs this kind of relief when serious stuff is going down.
You Can’t Hate Your Way To A Better World
I use this phrase a lot. It organically came out of my mouth a few years ago, and I’ve kept it in my back pocket ever since. Why does it matter in this context? Because when your family is going through painful circumstances, it’s natural to feel angry. It’s easy to blame. But some things in life don’t have any origin that you can aim those feelings at. The truth is, terrible situations don’t always provide a viable enemy. And even if they did, hatred won’t fix the problem. Anger won’t back down your strife. Frustration will only keep you stuck in those low places. I say this from experience, having given in to those emotions many times. Gave them a good walk through my mind I did. Ultimately, they only made everything harder. Remember, we have a choice on how we interpret our situations. Through a lot of trial and error, I think the removal of negativity (as best you can), works better than giving into those darker emotions.
With that advice, I’ll leave you with a sincere thank you. I am happy to report that my wife is now cancer free. Her doctors advised her to go and live a long and healthy life, free of fear. Easier said than done, but when the experts affirm that you have done everything possible, you should trust them. So that is what we are trying to do.
Remembering that we get to frame our outlook, I see a beautifully open life ahead. What exactly lies in store for our family? I don’t fully know. But I do know that we are grateful for amazing doctors. We are thankful for family, friends, and a community that cares for us in profound ways. And we are happy, because we have each other, and our cats. We can’t forget about the cats. After all, they are the reason I’m late getting this piece out.
