The Waiting Game
Last week was the first time I hadn’t written anything in six months. It feels strange to reflect, because I’m both happy and frustrated. It’s great that I have been consistent at a new hobby for half a year. I’ve been enjoying the process - the days when the words flow so easily, and even the times I’m left frantically putting something together on a Sunday evening. So what changed this week? My tired and heavy mind couldn’t think of anything useful to say.
On the one hand, to resist putting mediocre ideas out into the ether of the internet feels like a good thing. Just because I have a thought, doesn't mean it’s necessarily useful to anyone else. I don’t want to waste your time.
On the other hand, consistency is good. It helps you stay sharp and engaged. Whether it’s that early morning work out, prayers with your kids, or telling your spouse that you both love and like them, playing the hits keeps the party bumping.
Then there are social media algorithms. It wasn’t so long ago when only five people on earth knew what the word algorithm even meant. Now you hear children say it shows the confidence of a doctorate level mathematician. Simply put, what, where, when, and how you post things garners different levels of attention.
So what’s the most basic way to get attention online? You could say crazy stuff, but that also runs the risk of alienating you from large swaths of the public. It can also get you tied to a niche audience. And once you get that kind of crowd, all they want is for you to keep spitting out whatever you are sipping. Creativity and originality go out the window if you choose this lane, and you trade your chef's hat for a server's “can I take your order” notepad.
Putting out content consistently (and often) is actually the best way to generate attention. That is why I smiled when I decided not to write. Resisting the compulsion to post when you have nothing useful is great. I’ll judge myself by the words I write, not the frequency by which I write the words.
Getting even more reflective, I should tell you that the biggest reason I couldn’t think of anything to say is the in-between season I’m nestled in. These are-we-there-yet moments are tough for everyone. Think of all the seniors out there waiting to graduate. Or the stretch between jobs, or homes, or moves. Think of waiting for winter when you are a ski bum, or any warm body of water in the summer if you are a kid. We all know what it’s like to desperately desire being a place you cannot occupy yet.
Since I live there currently, I guess a more accurate way to describe my current state is that I have a lot to say, but it’s simply not the time. The brain is frazzled. The body is tired. The core ideas are still humming inside my mind; but without the peace, clarity, or energy to say them well, what’s the rush?
From the outside it’s so easy to say, “life is short, be courageous, just do it.” Sure, so when are you going to talk to your spouse about those annoying habits that persist? When are you going to pipe up in the break room and share your real thoughts on politics? You get the point. It’s really easy to tell others to be courageous, not so much yourself. What I keep coming back to is patience. Or rather, why put an inferior product/thought/opinion out in the world, when you know a better version is on the way?
I guess the whole point is to keep your eyes ahead, even when it feels like you are moving backwards. Life is a dance where those little foot outlines are all over the place. Was someone dancing here, or swinging blindly at a piñata? It’s ok that it’s not pretty, and takes forever to get there. Just remember, when you do get there, don’t hold back.
