This Mess is Either Terrible or Awesome
Dishes in the sink, blankets on the floor. Mail, half drawn pictures, coats, and an open lunch box on the kitchen table. When was the last time I vacuumed? How did the bedroom become so cluttered? Most of the time, these things bother me. I have a healthy dose of OCD, meaning I like things organized and put away. I want symmetry. I feel comfortable and at ease when life and home are in order. If my house is a post tornado scene, how am I expected to concentrate?
But today that doesn’t matter. In fact, the mess, and my acceptance of it are all ok. Good in fact. That is because it was such a good day. Got some bills paid before my daughter woke up for school. Saw an old friend at the coffee shop and reminisced about past adventures. Heard a two-year olds laughter that was so pure it made me forget the troubles of the world. Worked hard. So hard that my back hurts. Saw a 16 year old boy that is basically a nephew and told him crazy stories about his dad when we were both 16. Made sure he was getting into at least a little trouble. Took my daughter to ballet practice, and we were early for once. And for the day's coda, I played basketball in the evening and made a couple hoops despite the frisky kid half my age guarding me.
The funny thing is that my current attitude feels like the flip of a coin. All those events could be seen in a very different light. The bills that got paid could provoke worrying thoughts about money. Seeing an old friend could be described as getting distracted so that I was late to work. The hard work that hurt my back could be a reminder that I get injured more easily these days. Talking to a 16 year old about when his dad and I were 16 could remind me of how far I am from that age. Being on time for once could cause a reflection on how late we often are. And basketball, well I do love basketball so I can’t find many ways to be upset about that. No wait, I just remembered how at least once a year I roll my ankle and hobble around for a week. That didn’t happen, but it could have.
The point is that perspective drives attitude. How are we seeing the world, through the lens of gratitude or resentment? Glass half full, or glass full of crap. Truth is, the days when it is easy to see everything as good don’t take much effort, but the bad days feel almost impossible to climb out of. Like quicksand of emotional frustration.
Now is when I’m supposed to explain how to get out of that grumpy place; give you the five secret ways to snap that attitude into the happy zone. But honestly, I don’t know. Like you, most of the time it feels like dumb luck when I decide to laugh instead of explode like a volcano. When things feel off, or don’t work out like they should, or plans get ruined, or a kid acts like a kid, it is frustrating. So how does that laugh happen?
Last night, it happened when my wife laughed first. I felt frustration starting to rise, looked at the chaotic house and was about to focus on the mess, instead of the fulfilling life that gave birth to the mess. Then my best friend and partner did a good thing and laughed at my facial expression. “Settle down, I threw that blanket on the floor to cover the cat to entertain myself.” She followed that up with one of her favorite Bruno Mars songs quotes. She sang at me, “Why you mad? Fix your face.”
Then it was funny. Then I could see the day's events as a series of blessings instead of a bunch of inconveniences. I could remember that I signed up for all the things that make the messes. I wanted all those things, and I have all those things. Everything is going according to plan, I just forgot that the plan included dishes in the sink. So if you see someone you love turning into a grump, maybe help them out with a little laugh. They might be on the edge of having a great day. All they need is a little push.
