Trust Your Instincts
How often do you contemplate the subject of trust? How much do you trust yourself? How well do you even know yourself? Can you see the hamsters spinning in your head, and do you know why they run?
I’ve been thinking about this because I hurt my toe. It’s the weirdest injury. I don’t even know how I did it. All I remember is that one day, the toe next to the pinky on my right foot started throbbing. The pain was like the ribbit of frogs in a pond. Every time you think it is over, another chorus makes itself heard.
The annoyance showed its nasty face when I ran. But not every time. It only happened occasionally, and never from any specific motion that would seemingly irritate it. So I did what we all do - I ignored it.
Until I couldn’t. Finally one day, in the middle of a steep hill, I stopped and took off my shoe. I sat on the dusty ground and started pulling on my toe like I was trying to pull it off. Then I switched to twisting and turning that sucker like it was a screw. And like magic, it felt better.
Fast forward a couple months, and I was at physical therapy for an elbow injury. At the end of the session, I remembered that weird toe thing (it still happens from time to time), so I told the physical therapist. I explained the pain, and my actions to quell it. She gave two responses: one great and one lame. The undesirable news was that there isn’t a real fix. The enlightening news was that the best way to fix it is exactly what I had been doing.
How did I know what to do?
It got me thinking about an even better example. The day my daughter came into this world. The doctor did their thing, the baby was born, and the nurse got us settled. The moment that caught me off guard was the nurse leaving. “I’ll check back in a couple of hours,” she said after a brief pause at the door. Then she walked out, and left us with a newborn baby.
I remember thinking, “wait…where are you going…did you say hours…what are we supposed to do?” It was honestly kind of terrifying. I hadn’t really contemplated how to take care of a baby. Sure, we did the classes, read the books, child proofed the house, and built the crib. I had even folded her tiny clothes while packing for the hospital. But I hadn’t ever considered how to cram a smooshy little life into them.
I hadn’t ever felt that potpourri of confusion, fear, and great responsibility before. And once it arrived, it would never leave. What if I didn’t hold her the right way? What if she wouldn’t stop crying? What, what, what???
And then it all just worked. Not sure how, but my arms cradled her in the right way. I listened and watched her, and some deep instinctual thing took over.
How did I know what to do?
The truth is that people have been having babies forever. Most of those babies came into this world outside a hospital, without sterilization, and without a doctor. It turns out there are a lot of secret algorithms in our DNA that compel our bodies to think, act, and react in the proper manner. It just happens. That hip swaying, dad rocking baby thing that works so well, it didn’t come from a book. Like a ballerina compelled to move by music, I found this gentle motion that put my daughter to sleep all on my own. In fact, even now when I hold a baby I start doing it involuntarily.
I should trust myself more. Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle to trust is fear. What if I look dumb? What if people know I’m out of my element? What if I make a mistake? Well, check, check, check. Many times over. Luckily, once you cross those Rubicons, and see that the ground didn’t swallow you up, you realize the blessing of instincts.
Turns out we all have a little Spidey-Sense in us.
